Loose Tea

When in college, I worked one summer with someone who was thin as a rail. Too thin in fact. I remember her telling me that oftentimes she would go home and have a cup of tea for dinner. She was originally from Great Britain.

Then she confessed that her husband tried to get her to eat and that she would try but couldn't always force herself to eat. At the time I actually admired her. I found myself ravenous all the time.

Working at the same place years later, I heard two extremely thin female board members talking about what they had eaten that day. They were clearly trying to outdo each other. One had eaten some carrots and the other had eaten even less. It seemed to me at the time that this was how you can tell a woman in power. They attributed what they felt as their own power to their great feats of discipline and denial.

Recently, a family member has repeatedly expressed to me that she feels unattractive simply because she has put on weight. She feels she will not be able to find a boyfriend.

I have gone back on a diet this week.

Still, I feel like some learning has to take place somewhere. I can look back and throw the stone at my old self for admiring the eating disordered co-worker. I can laugh at the twisted view of what power was/is by female board members only recently included at the table. I can sense the wrongness of my family member who feels that thin is beautiful.

I must focus on losing weight for the right reasons. Those would be improved health and longevity; being able to do T'ai Chi better; fitting easier into my clothes; and believe it or not, enjoying food more. I also must lose some weight so that I can retain my ravenous appetite for life.